5 Ways Not To Be A Bleak Wedding Guest

As a wedding coordinator, I see a lot things. Creative decor, emotional moments, hilarious groomsmen...but then there’s that guest. The one you want to smack upside the head. Whether they are interrupting the ceremony, making things awkward for staff, or flat out making the couple’s life more difficult-

there’s always ONE.

Here are 5 easy ways to ensure you’re not that guest. Because Lady Gangers gotta represent!

1. Don’t Wear White. 

Or cream, or ivory, or blush. I don’t care if you just got back from Cabo and have a killer tan. If it’s a dress in a shade that wedding gowns are made in, don’t effing wear it. There is always one betch who’s like, it’s summer time and I just got off this juice cleanse and I am rocking this white crochet number – THIS DAY IS NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s your time to dress appropriately and fade into the background. While, we’re at it, you’re also not going to Vegas you little hussy (and that’s coming from a full fledged hussy!). There is a time and a place people. 

2. Don’t Be Late.

Seems obvious right? Apparently it’s not. We consistently plan on starting ceremonies 15 minutes after the stated invitation time because without fail, people are late. There will be traffic, you will have to find parking, and you will probably have to walk a little to get to the ceremony site. PLAN ON IT. If you are late, be respectful, hang back a little and see if it’s appropriate to sneak in the back of the ceremony seats. If it’s going to be disruptive for you to clank across the wood floors in your heels to grab a spot- just don’t do it! You’re late, you missed the ceremony, too bad. Just join cocktail hour and the couple will never know. They WILL know when you awkwardly run through the processional and loudly “whisper” you’re sorry. #SorryNotSorry

3. Don’t Bring A Gift.

Yes, you have to buy them a gift, just don’t bring it to the wedding. Unless you are bringing a card with a cash gift, the couple doesn’t want to lug around the 40-pound toaster oven you brought. Big is annoying but also fragile, or awkward to pack...I coordinated a wedding for a very free-spirited couple (ie a bunch of hippies) and a guest LITERALLY brought a flat of strawberries as a gift! Keep in mind that all of the gifts have to get packed in someone’s car at the end of the night. Most stores where the couple would be registered offer to ship the gift directly to their home. Do that.

4. Don’t Complain About The Food.

I don’t really care that you are doing the gluten-free thing right now, or that you have issues with dairy. You came to a party that is feeding you and giving you booze for free. Just eat it. If you have REAL dietary issues or restrictions, talk to the couple before the wedding (way before) and most likely, their caterer will have a good option for you. The coordinator, caterer and staff are trying to get over 100 people fed, quickly. They really don’t have time to worry about putting your dressing on the side. Moral of the story, just shut up and eat what you can or bring a granola bar and just shut up.

5. Don’t Be A Photographer.

The couple paid a lot of money for a professional photographer to capture their special day. I mean, a lot of money. Put down your cell phone (or god forbid your iPad) and be present. That picture is going to get a handful of likes on Facebook but your hand raised up in the crowd of guests will literally ruin a good ceremony photo. I encourage all of our clients to have an “unplugged ceremony”, and have their officiant ask everyone at the beginning to TURN OFF THEIR SHIT (perhaps word it a little nicer than that for grandma’s sake).