Can We Please Stop Mommy Shaming?
Motherhood can be hard. It is an amazing journey and one I would not change for anything, but it is tough. There are days when you are sure that someone upstairs hates you and has decided to make your life hell. Then you look down at that little face and the hard day melts away, and you hold them and forget that you’re tired, hungry and busting for the loo. Every mother knows this.
The problem is there seems to be an unwritten rule that at no time can we mention that we have hard days. We shouldn’t complain when we haven’t managed to do more than put on trackie daks and can’t remember what sleep is.
Instead we are supposed to smile, and put on our makeup, brush our hair and present ourselves as the perfect mother, and if we don’t do this, we are seen as not coping. Not a good mother.
Women who let their children stay with others to have a night off are condemned. Why? Where does it say that you can’t occasionally have some time to yourself? My daughter has an overnight stay with her grandparents about every 8 weeks. She has an amazing relationship with them and I think that having that time with them without me there has allowed her to build that relationship.
But, my husband and I are judged for it. Why, I don’t know. Some of my fondest memories as a child were staying at my grandparents’ house. We would read, play games, and make cakes; the best bit of course was getting to lick the spoon! My grandmother was my everything until the day she died.
Why, ladies, do we do this? Why do we feel the need to compete with other mums, why do we need to judge other mums? Should we not be helping each other? This carries over into other areas of our lives.
As women we tend to instantly judge a woman upon meeting her. Sizing her up. Is she prettier, what is she wearing, is she a threat? I used to constantly worry about what women in my life thought about me. I would worry about whether my hair was perfect and if my outfit looked good. But at almost 33, and now a mum, I have decided that those things don’t matter.
Ladies, we are still fighting for equal rights, for women to be given the same opportunities as men. We need to stand together or everything that women before us have fought so hard for will have been for nothing.
When I sit and watch the men in my life, they make everything seem so easy. They don’t let small things get to them. If something really bothers them, they talk to their mate about it and it’s sorted. As women we let even the little things upset us. Those little things become big things and before you know it, a huge argument has occurred.
Men view us as drama queens and bitchy. Do you know why? Because we are! It’s our own fault we are stereotyped this way. We are bitchy. We are drama queens. It is up to us to change the view that men have of women. We can start by supporting each other.
Don’t get upset about everything little slight. Don’t judge each other. Let’s work together to change the way we have been stereotyped and show the world what women are really made of!! Because ladies, we are strong! We are independent! We are smart and funny and loving.
In a world that seems to be falling apart most days, I want to make sure my little corner of it is happy and loving. I’m making an effort myself to judge less, support more and not worry about all the little things. It’s time to go out and love each other.
Together women can change the world. All we have to do is stand together.
-Rebecca, a mum to a 1 year old girl.