To the other, other girl. I get it.
You’re always going to see me as the reason why things didn’t work out for you and him. You’re always going to remember finding out what he had been doing behind your back, with me, and it’s going to hurt. You’re always going to remember the feelings of resentment and anger towards me because girls aren’t supposed to do that to each other.
But here’s the thing: I didn’t.
In conversations, over so many months I have told you that I never knew. I had no idea that we were both being played by someone who we implicitly trusted. Who when I confronted him, told me that “I guess, I just can’t have my cake and eat it too.” Someone who I had once considered my best friend.
But so many years have passed, and now it feels like a whole lifetime ago. We’ve all done some growing up, had time to reflect on the situation. But instead of letting the hurt and anger fade away into a life lesson, you have let it fester. I’m not saying that I didn’t do that- that I didn’t cut off all communication, let those feelings take control of how I dealt with relationships, sex, love, etc. That until four months ago I couldn’t imagine even being in the same room as someone who I jokingly told, “ruined me” for other men.
And that’s the thing. I’m not doing that to you. He didn’t do that to you. And he definitely didn't do that to me, despite what I told myself. That I wasn’t worth anyone or anything. I discovered that holding on to that negative energy and all of those hurt feelings didn’t serve me anymore and I decided to move on.
And so should you. I don’t know what to say to you anymore, and probably nothing I ever say is going to change how you feel. Unless you decide to change your feelings yourself.
You’re not a terrible person. You have said some terrible things to me, things that to this day still cut when I think about them. But the actions of others don’t define us, just like this situation should not define you. We can’t change the past, and dwelling on it never helps.
Because yes, whether you like it or not, this is your past. This is never going to be your present, or future. You are allowed to be hurt. Please don’t stop that emotion because it’s important. But feel it, acknowledge your pain, and find some way to let it go.
I’ll never pretend to be the most evolved person in the world. I still learn new things about myself every day. How to cope, how to move forward and be a happier, better person.
Maybe you should too. My unsolicited, but truly sincere advice.